I've developed a lot as a person these past four years, as most people my age do. In that process I discovered how much I really want to make art things. It's not just cool or neat, but it fufills something existential within me. I've spent a lot of time developing my skills as a visual artist. Often my friends or acquaintances would see me in the process of drawing something and tell me that I'm like Da Vinci or Jesus or something. I know it's all hyperbolic. I can't tell if they say that because their standards are low or if they just want me to feel better about myself. Regardless, I know exactly where my skill is at. I'm certainly above average, but by no significant margin. Every day I see people more skilled than I who apply their skills on the daily. Yet, I make like three pictures in a month at most. This past december I didn't finish anything at all. After a lot of self reflection over many aspects of my life, one of the things I asked myself was - why? Why do I never make things if I enjoy it so much?
Being online for a long time, there's something I noticed about the art sphere. Fanart. Today, social media relies upon algorithms to determine what everyone sees in an effort to keep them on their stupid website for as long as they possibly can. Countless creators on places like YouTube and Tik Tok and Instagram have completely restructured their work to revolve around these algorithms. Artists are no exception. The thing about fanart is that it's based on pre-existing ideas... Characters and settings and stories that people already enjoy. Fanart performs extremely well for the algorithm because there's already a demographic that's interested and will engage. Original artworks... not so much. When you make an original drawing of your own character or a study of something on your desk, there is no existing fandom for that. There's no tags you could put in your post that thousands of people scan through. The best you can do is #art, #drawing, #myart, etc. The algorithm does not like original creations.
For a long time, I exclusively made original pictures. I often saw #FanartFriday trend, and wasn't able to participate, since I basically had no fanart. I really was invested in my own ideas. However, at some point in mid-to-late 2021, I got really into this game called Hylics. I really really appreciated the design and visual style/presentation of Hylics, and wanted to draw one of the characters. So I did. After posting my crosshatched portrait of Somsnosa, I noticed a higher rate of engagements than usual. Most of the time I would end the day with 12-14 likes on twitter. This time it was 40. Members of the Hylics community saw my post. They already liked Hylics and this character, so they gave the post a like. I was really thrilled by this engagement with my contribution to the community, so I started work on another one of a different character, Pongorma. After finishing it, I posted it, and the traffic was insane. The post went huge compared to everything else I had ever posted. (Keep in mind, Hylics has a small fanbase). To this date, it is the most liked post I ever made on Twitter, at 167 likes. The composer for Hylics 2, Chuck Salamone even came by and commented on my Instagram posts of both pictures. He's a very nice guy I appreciate him. It was incredible how much retention I was able to get with just 2 drawings. Imagine if I made posts like these every other day... I'd get a thousand followers in a month or two! A week or so later I posted a fanart of The Batter from OFF. That one became my most liked post ever on Instagram at 61 likes. Upon seeing this, I set myself to do more fanart. But instead, I slowed down, and kinda stopped everything.
It wasn't fun. I didn't feel fulfilled drawing other people's characters, especially after making myself do so out of obligation. I look online, and still find the most liked posts are fanart. A lot of it is just minimal quality. It's often in an extremely basic easy style, with posts being churned out almost daily. It certainly isn't the best content, yet it still does better than even my most successful posts. These people are perfectly content with drawing whatever comfort characters they have over and over and over again all the time, and others who share interest in that existing character consistently engage with that. I don't mind that, really. In fact, I actually envy them and their dedication to the things thay enjoy. What actually bothers me is that the algorithm favors that type of content over more substantial and original work.
It's so hard to win on the internet untarnished. So then I go back to the question I asked myself earlier- why do I never make art anymore? The answer is kinda stupid. It's that I feel pressure from the powers that be. I only want to make the best work I can. I often go back into older drawings and fix/reproportion them because I can't stand seeing myself not at my best. I wish I had the guts to just post a load of sketches every other day and not feel like garbage. I could always just churn out fuckin uhh Cookie Run Genshin Impact Five Nights at Freddy's fanart on the daily and get huge retention. But if I ever stopped, then all those people would go away. If I don't post the funny Comfort Character™ anymore, there's no more reason to care about my work. That's the price one pays for selling their soul to the algorithm.
Just to clarify, fanart is fantastic and I love those who do it. Fanart is essential in developing wonderful communities, and can be a great vessel to inroduce cool things to people. I really hope nobody reads this and thinks I morally disagree with fanart or anything. It's just not fulfilling for ME to do. I dedicated myself solely towards making the time-consuming pressuring Good Cool Pictures™ which causes me to just- burn out hard. And when I actually do post those, the algorthm shits on me and leaves me with almost nothing. The art that makes me win makes me feel hollow and the art that I actually want to make is too hard to post regularly. I really am a loser on the internet. I might be damned to obscurity in every project I make forever. But I have freedom in this sad state. I don't have to worry about appeasing any demographic like some fuckin ad agency. Here, I'm gonna do what I want, and all those who find it will like me for me, not because I post their favorite Scungkly Dinkus character. I'd much rather be a free loser on the internet than a winner restricted by my own means of victory.
Hey, it's my first blog! Cheers to that. I hope 2022 doesn't tear my life down, because god I think it will. Thanks for reading! ♡♡♡